we appear to have a mouse.

well, i have tried to not make rash decisions, and i have tried to weigh my pros and cons. and i am still completely unsure and confused. i have realized that there are so any more politics at play in this than there should be. i have spent the last 16 hours trying to come up with the right decision... my dreams were even taken over by these people... apparently tim should never illegally download pong off of the internet and then play it on his laptop while driving down the highway on his way to nationals. the police will come after him. and i guess i am really an undercover police officer. who knew?
anyway. i have spent all moning in tears everytime i realize what my decision is going to be. i just cried my way through an e-mail to josh. now i just need to send it. i think i just yelled at andrew (a.) for making light of all this using the phrase "mock is really important to me, and this is really hard," that being said directly after finishing an e-mail in which i am quitting. i am still so confused apparently. My whole walk home today it was just constant bickering in my head, followed by the realization of my decision which just entailed more tears.
i don't want to quit. i love doing it, regardless of the ulcers and time commitment. not to mention the people i will be cutting myself off from for the most part. maybe i could become an alternate for my team, i don't know why i see that as some sort of solution, but for some reason the idea of it kind of sounded good to me. i have no idea why. it doesn't really make sense. i guess it would mean i wouldnt necessarily have to deal with my team if i didnt want to, and i would have more justifcation behind returning to the team next year. however, i would feel like more of a mock trial groupie than anything.
so, back to my point. not that i ever have one.
i will have to send this out soon. and then i will pack. and then i will be home, experiencing my first mock-free days in quite sometime. no more hours an hours and nights falling asleep memorizing the rules of evidence or attempting to fix and write crosses and directs... and i am not saying these in a happy tone, but a very empty and sad one....
well, so it goes...