From an article in Friday's maroon, by none other than Barney....

"I would like to point at, as Hubbard noted in his interview with the Maroon, what appears to be the single most important contribution to the student body that this Student Government has made. Again, I’m only going to talk about this because I believe that if Student Government was dissolved, I doubt anyone would notice or care.

I’m talking of course, of the LCD screen in the Reynolds Club.

Now, apparently the screen was put there for “bus surveillance,” so that in the winter, those students who live in the Shoreland can stand inside the Reynolds Club and actually “see” the bus coming from outside in real time.

According to Hubbard, when he sees people staring at the Reynolds Club Screen, “it literally makes my heart jump.” This is apparently because the accomplishment of people standing inside waiting for a bus instead of outside causes euphoria and elation. It seems that instead of a television screen, we have been given a sort of electronic anti-depressant.

I wonder, what happens in the fall and spring quarters? Will students wait inside to avoid the nice weather? Will they stand transfixed by the scroll of cool new events coming up? I never knew that the simple act of shelter for 10 minutes was enough to cause such delight in our elected officials. Perhaps student government ought to submit this television screen to the medical school for further study.

I think “makes my heart jump” is bureaucratese for “I pray people care about my waste of money.”

Even though our student government is, in fact, composed of students, they seem unable to think like students. Perhaps, in order to be elected, you can’t be a student, but that is a story for another day. I do not care if the knitting club is having a meeting this Thursday at 6 p.m. because I am not a seamstress nor do I find knitting interesting. I do not care if the Polish club is having their meeting this Friday at 5 p.m. because although I know people who are Polish, I myself do not happen to be Polish, nor do I study Polish. If I were Polish, and I wanted to attend the meetings of the Polish Club, I would find out more about it on my computer at home, not on the $1000 LCD screen in the Reynolds Club."