The following is the (somewhat infamous) letter to Al Gore written by Heba and me in our sophmore year of high school... we were good at entertaining ourselves, you might say.
"Al = Pal - P
I am an American youth, and I have a picture of you on my wall. The thing is, Al, you are really hott. With two t's. And when I say hot, i mean sexy. You’re right up there with Matt Damon and Brad Pitt. Literally, you’re on my wall right next to them. Tipper is eh. I mean, I'm you know. And to you, I dedicate these lyrics.
"I'm falling even more in love with you."- Lifehouse
Because of you, I will be president one of these days. Again, I mean this literally. It is my dream, and it will come true. I'm also starting a firm with my friend, Heba (she wasn't born in America...ssshhh), and she's having a muffin store. Anyways, like I was saying, my friend Lindsey (her dad is Judge Smith, ya know him?) is gonna be a Senator of NY. She's a fan of Hillary, you know Bill's wife. I'm a princess. Again, I mean that literally. I wear a crown, a "tierra" the more politically correct term, no punn intended. So, I got big plans, Al. I hate two guys; Their names are E-van and George, ya know, laura's husband. But about E-van, ever heard of him? He goes to my school. He was my date to winter formal. You know, winter time, dance, dresses? You know what's up. I didn't see you there, by the way. I was hopin' to get our freak on, but I bet Tipper was being needful again. (I suggest you don't show this to her.) So, I guess the point of me writing, besides to tell you about your physical endowments, is to get an "in" into the Washington scene, since you know, you're not fresh into it like Dubbya. It sucks that you're not gonna be there anymore, huh? Yeah, that sucks. I cried when I watched your concession speech. Pathetic, huh? I know you were just putting on a show though, those news people are on crack. No one could like Dubbya. But you do have some good publicity people. Maybe you can hook me up with them, or maybe you and I can just do the "hooking." I have someone you can put on your hit-list, when you do become president someday. His name is Drew (and E-van will be fine too). Drew is ... well, a dumbass (Republican.) He said that you had a large neck. I think that your neck is one of your endowments and for that comment, I punched Drew. I have this teacher (Do it Mr. Cahow!) named Mr. Cahow, and I would really like to know his political affiliation. He teaches AP US History and he won't tell us if he is a Democrat or a dumbass, I mean republican. Can you help me out here, Al? My whole class would love you, including Lindsey (you know, Judge Smith's daughter, do you know him?). Have you ever played softball? Well, Mr. Cahow is obsessed with the sport, and he only wears slacks, never jeans. I wonder why...hmmm. You know what’s up. Do you play softball? I do. I am obsessed with my coach, not as much as I am with you. I don’t have a picture of him on my wall. I have a picture of you on my wall. then again, I actually get to see him so I don't need a picture of him on my wall. Hint hint, you should come visit me sometime, regardless of what Tipper says. Don't be like Bill. Well, actually maybe you should be more like Bill. I do respect him a lot. I kind of find him hot too. He's so presidential, and you're so VICE-presidential. Do you like the Shaggy song?? You know, "It Wasn't Me?" I bet Bill likes it, heh heh. It's about this guy who gets caught, ya know what he was doing. I like the song a lot; it's playing right now. It would suck to be the girlfriend though. Not bad to be the other girl. heh heh. Well, now that we've gotten personal, can I ask you some questions? Do you have any celebrity crushes? What do you think of Britney Spears? Hot stuff man, huh? How about Tipper? Oh wait, she's your wife. I think she's right up there with Britney. Is she on your wall? You're on my wall. Did I tell you that? Right up there with Matt and Brad. I'm going to go to Yale, if I do better on my SATs. I just took them, I only got a 1260. Isn’t that horrible? I bet you got like a 1890 or something. My friend Heba (not US born...ssshh) got a sucky score like that too when she took them. Our practice ain't doing too well. I can speak Ebonics. I can turn it on and off just like that. I go to Kalamazoo Central HS, World Class High School, and we only speak Ebonics there. But I like our public schools. I have to admit that I agree with Dubbya there. We don't need any more funding or teachers! I enjoy being bilingual. Ebonics and English, I'm so talented. I also go to KAMSC (Kalamazoo Area Math and Science Center). Yeah, a nerd school. Speaking of you and hotness, my chemistry teacher, oh baby. His name is Dr. T. Yeah, you probably got a private screening of it. And what I mean by "it" is the movie, you know, Richard Gere. Can I come see it...with you? Dr. T is built man. (Not Richard Gere, although I can send another email about him later) The sad thing is, is that one of your secretaries is going to read this, and you're never going to see it or read it, and I'm going to cry. I just want a reply back, please! From you! I know what a fake signature looks like. Real ink does not constitute a real signature. Trust me, I know. So please, whoever is reading this know, send it to my pal, Al, up in the White house. Hopefully, you are not getting in trouble for laughing at me, and hopefully you will stop laughing at me some day. In the mean time though, I am expecting a reply from my one true love, Dr. T, I mean Al Gore, up on my wall with Matt and Brad. (Can you get Matt to send me a letter too? And one from Brad to my friend Heba (you know, the one who wasn't born in the US...ssshhh).)
Well, give my regards to Tipper, Karenna, Kristin, Sarah, and little Al. But don't tell them about my friend Heba (who wasn't born in the US...ssshhh).
Love, Ashley.
P.S. I am really not his retarded. I am retarded, well not really retarded, I'm retarded in the dumbass sense well not Republican, you know what I mean. Everything I say is true, but I'm normally not this retarded, you know. And I stress, not Republican. I'm sarcastic and rather odd, so that may clarify some things when you read this letter. I guess that about sums it up. I am anxiously awaiting a reply. "
